Two Inches To Infinity

Please help save a very special member of my family.

2011-09-02T09:44:00.001-07:00

The Modern Lover

2010-03-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

A lot has changed over the years that man has been "civilized". Fashions come and go and come back again; laws are born, altered, or abolished altogether; the economy goes up and (more noticeably) falls down; and despite centuries of traditions being handed down from one generation to the next, our most basic ways of life are constantly held under a microscope of Right vs. Wrong, True vs. False, and The Way It Was vs. The Way It Is.

One of those basic traditions, (the silliest and most confusing, in my opinion) is courtship, a.k.a. dating.

It doesn't seem to matter whether one is checking the "gay", "straight", or "something else" box. I've heard it from friends, seen it written in books, watched it play out in movies and music videos: Dating is complicated.

Obviously there is no Right way to date. If such a recipe for success did exist, I wonder how many of us would actually follow it. Personally, most of the fun of dating someone new is the adventure and mystery of what might happen next. Sure, sometimes it's also helpful to know about the big cliff on the other side of the hill before you make a running leap, but we don't always have the luxury of seeing that far ahead.

Here are a few things I've learned about dating & relationships, either thanks to my own experiences or those of my friends and family:

Dating is like gambling. Whether the relationship lasts 5 minutes or 5 years, there is no sure-as-shit way to tell if the person you're involved with is a safe bet. Forget about blind dates for a second. Hanging out with someone you like for the first few times can be exhilarating, but all it takes is one unexpected conversation topic, one innocent peek in the medicine cabinet, one seemingly harmless hobby, or one unnoticed obsession to turn Prince or Princess Charming into King or Queen of Psychoville. In my experience, a good relationship is one that forces both parties to take a bit of a risk so that the playing field of vulnerability is balanced and the winnings are enjoyed equally.
Dating is full of rules. Many of these unofficial laws of love & lust almost always go unspoken between partners. For example, trying to figure out who's going to pay for the date before the check arrives. Some say the person who initiated the date should pay, but some might argue that each person should take turns paying or split the bill each time in an attempt to make things fair. These little traditions and social norms can get tricky, and very specific, but most of them are unavoidable. In my experience, a good relationship is one that breaks the rules once in awhile and allows each person to establish his/her own ideas of what you're "supposed to do".
Dating isn't linear. Even though life itself would have you believe that we all start at the beginning, do stuff in the middle, and go out with a spectacular grand finale, that's just not the way dating is (or should be, in my opinion). As children, we go through grade school constantly reminded of our position on the academic ladder. First grade, second grade, third, and so on. We clearly know where we're headed -- graduation -- and as far off as it may seem, the steps are all laid out for us to follow, rinse, and repeat. We're supposed to graduate, go to college, find purpose in life, contribute to society, and live happily ever after. The same with jobs: get hired, learn the ropes, work hard, get promoted, get a raise, become successful, get promoted again, earn respect, serve your sentence, retire, and live happily ever after. The world would have you believe dating is no exception to this stepping-stone way of thinking: meet, date, fall in love, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. I'm of the opinion that a good relationship is more like a well-kept garden: you plant something, nurture it, trim it, feed it, and plant new things around it from time to time to keep it interesting. There's no day on the calendar that says "finish gardening" because it's something you just keep doing. Sure, dating is something you can start doing, but like a garden the relationship will take on many shapes, colors, and fragrances depending on the weather that surrounds it and the work that's put into it.

Though it's not a comprehensive list of all the things I've discovered about dating, it at least hits on most of the major things I keep in mind when testing the waters with a new love interest. And while I may not be much of a gambler or a rule breaker, I'm gradually learning that dating, much like life, is only as complicated as you allow it to be.

What have you learned about dating? Where did you learn the "rules" of dating? What's your personal dating style?

My lovely lady... frump?

2009-06-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

To start something new has always been a heavy burden mixed with excitement and dread for me. I've never shied away from beginning new projects, but I usually only start ones I intend to finish. Some projects, however, don't seem to have a definite beginning, middle, or end.

The task I've set myself to accomplishing lately wasn't proclaimed in any official fashion, except that it's something I found myself doing more often and decided it should continue until it no longer feels like something I'm "trying" to do. Lately, I've been putting more effort into my physical appearance.

There was a time in my youth I'd spend hours in front of the bathroom mirror, meticulously applying buckets of Avon-brand makeup to my miraculously acne-free face. I started shaving my legs at the age of 10. Bras became my best friend couple of years after that. It would take me between 45 minutes to an hour to accomplish the amazing combination of the "curly wet look", complete with super-aquanet-stiff bangs (or sometimes, the perfect "wave" side-part).

All you suburbanite, white-washed, chola-wannabes know what I'm talkin' about.

I couldn't wait for the weekend because it meant going to the mall to find the best deals on cute miniskirts, babydoll tees, mary jane heels, and fashionable thigh-highs. Boy, was I light-years away from being stylish, but it didn't matter, because it was a better alternative (I thought) than the grungy flannel and baggy jeans that those other girls were sporting.

Turns out, most of those grungy, flannel-wearing gals tried just as hard as we did. They might not have spent hours doing their makeup or hair, but they wore what they wore for the same reasons we did. They wanted to make a statement with the way they dressed.

My statement has always been "look at me, but don't stare at me"... I've always loved to dress in bright, lively colors with cute designs and occasionally a low-cut neckline, but I seem to stop just short of loud and trashy, over-patterned and under-layered, frumpy and unfeminine.

At my heaviest, in high school, I wore nothing but baggy jeans and over-sized t-shirts. Frankly, that's all I could fit into, or so I thought. I'd come a long way from the mini-skirts and babydoll tees. It wasn't until senior year that I fell in love, found my body again, and started looking like a "girl" once more. This reunion with dressing up and looking good lasted for a few more years, and when I graduated college, it went right down the drain again.

I was depressed, single, lonely, and fat. I'd gained back all the weight I'd lost before college (which is common, I know, but still not totally expected) and lost any ounce of self-esteem I'd had in my comfort zone back home. Why try to look cute anymore? No one would appreciate it. No one would compliment it. No one was around to feed my ego, so I let myself go and didn't look back.

Once I started working full-time, I thought "Oh good, this new job will give me an excuse to dress nice and feel good about myself!" Wrong! Even though I was spending hundreds of dollars a month on new clothes and shoes and purses and jewelry... I couldn't break out of my deep-rooted habit of laziness. I was now used to not spending hours in front of the mirror. Hell, I didn't even want to spend 5 minutes in front of the mirror if it meant that ugly, pale blob was going to be looking back at me.

So, things got worse.

There were days I wouldn't even bother brushing my hair. My hair is curly. Not brushing it is dangerous. I would have looked like shit if not for the fact that I really did love my job, and it showed. No matter what kind of boring, mom-ish clothes I was wearing, I always managed to have a smile on my face and a light in my eyes that said "Hey, I actually do like myself, despite what you see."

Fast-forward to now.

The simple act of learning how to feed my own ego is what's brought about this new desire to look good - for myself. I'm still fat. Still pale. Still not completely stylish, but I feel like I'm closer than I've ever been to having my own style. I'm learning how to show off my assets and camouflage my not-so-flattering features. I'm learning that dressing down can be just as effective as dressing up in the right environment. I'm learning that exercise feels good, as does fitting into my jeans, no matter their size. I'm learning that telling myself I look good before needing to hear it from anyone else is usually the attitude that makes other people notice me in the first place.

I don't spend hours in front of the mirror on just one thing anymore, nor do I throw on whatever's clean and call it a day. I'm finding a nice balance between the two, where I can splash a little bit of makeup, juice up my hair just enough, stand back and smile at myself, knowing that no matter how lonely or depressed or fat I might get later on, I'll always have a little girl inside of me that, in fact, does feel pretty.

How has your personal style changed over the years? Have you always felt good about your appearance? Which of your phyiscal attributes give you the most confidence?

Saving For A Sunny Day

2009-05-01T10:44:00.001-07:00

There comes a point in every person's life when he or she decides to look beyond the joys of immediate gratification and momentarily shelves their aspirations of "living in the moment" for something a little bit more adventurous. What's more adventurous than living in the moment, you ask?

The answer, my friends, is planning for the future.

I easily fit into the category of people living "paycheck to paycheck", but recently I decided that at 26-years-old, getting by isn't enough anymore. I deserve something that money can buy: peace of mind.

I'm not advocating for being a modern-day Scrooge, hoarding every penny until you've alienated yourself from everyone, and skimping on life's basic joys, but the new concepts here are: limits. boundaries. budgets.

A few days ago I opened up my first ever savings account. In the months leading up to this, I've cut back on a lot of expenses. Not eating out as much, not getting out as much, and not stressing out as much. The last one is the most important. When I'm stressed, I spend money to cheer myself up. I'll comfort myself with take-out dinner. I'll justify unwinding with rented DVDs on the weekends in order to "detox" from all the brainwork of the week. I blow off steam with a few (or several) cocktails with friends as though I have money like that to burn. Reality check: I don't.

But that was the old me. The new me is not going to reward herself for being stressed out. The new me is going to remember that every dollar I spend while stressed basically adds one minute of future stress (most likely over not having enough money to do something I'll really enjoy and appreciate instead of some stress/impulse purchase I could have done without).

I never liked the phrase "saving for a rainy day" because it sounds so bleak. You really can't do much on rainy days. I'd rather save it for a sunny day, when things are going well, and you want to celebrate the beauty and goodness in your life. It seems to me there are many more opportunities to spend your shiny nickels and dimes when everything else in your life is smiling down upon you, instead of pouring down on you and ruining your hair.

Do you feel saving money is necessary? What's your favorite thing to splurge on when you have extra cash? How do you exercise will power when it comes to finances?

Home Sweet Home Away From Home

2009-04-10T00:20:00.001-07:00

In less than 24 hours, I will board a plane that will take me back to San Francisco. I've spent the last three months knowing this day would come, even wishing for it, and now that it's here.... well, I'm a little sad.

I wonder what it is that keeps some of us so far from the ones we love. The answer probably lies somewhere between having jobs and friends and responsibilities that are more like landmarks on highways only we are traveling. Our significant others become the rest stops in between that offer shelter and warmth and other comforts like all the ones we left once upon a time to pursue our dreams and goals and what we thought would eventually lead us toward starting grounds of our own.

But here I am, almost seven years after leaving the nest, and I'm still swinging from branches. I always thought I'd end up jumping down and starting to climb the tree again with the materials needed to form my own nest, but so far this hasn't been a priority. Spending the last three months at home, seeing my family constantly, making new friends and reconnecting with old ones, has really shown me how much time with them I've been missing.

Now, I can't say my current nest of awesome friends and acquaintances isn't grand, but it's lacking something. Without my family, it doesn't feel like home. And without my friends, home doesn't even feel like home. So what's a youngin' like me to do? Up and leave everything I've known for the better part of a decade and start looking for a reason to make one of these places my permanent grounds? Or stay away and finish finding myself, exploring my potential, living it up (as they say), and maintain one loneliness over another?

These are the questions I'm going to be asking myself for the rest of the year. If I've learned anything over my "sentence" of the past three months, it's that I must not take either living situation for granted. My family loves me, and I know they miss me, but for once I've realized just how much I had been missing them. My friends, on the other hand, have almost all the power to truly define how happy I am in life, with my permission, obviously. They've been doing a fabulous job of it so far, and I honestly can't imagine sacrificing them for any others right now or in the near future. In the meantime, I'm sacrificing a little bit of myself.

How close do you live from home? What aspects of "home" are missing from your life? Who gets more of your time, friends or family? What are some ways you have maintained a strong connection to home when you can't physically be there?

Flee Market.

2009-03-03T04:54:00.000-08:00

"Oh, give me a home Where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play; Where seldom is heard A discouraging word And the skies are not cloudy all day..."

Were Americans ever really that easy to please? I'll never know for sure.

I do, however, think we're getting back to longing for the simple things in life, a.k.a. things we took for granted before "the economy" became somewhat of a four-letter word. These days you're considered lucky if you have a roof over your head, food in the fridge, and a warm place to sleep. Let's be honest, those things were always considered a luxury to the majority of the world's population.

Now, all of a sudden because Mommy or Daddy can't afford to buy you that top-of-the-line laptop, or because your dear hubby got laid off and had to use the money in your "Dream Vacation Around The World Fund" toward the mortgage payment, you're left looking and sounding like Maculay Culkin after his first run-in with after-shave.

I know it's tough. We're living in a first-world country and expect to be living like first-class passengers. But let's face it, the plane is nose-diving into the abyss and there's no magic switch or wave of a wand to make it stop. So, what do we do?

Well, first of all, don't panic.

Easier said than done, right? Not at all. It seems just as easy to do as it is to say!

Considering the level of media and overall public attention the financial crisis has received over the past six months, why aren't more people applying for citizenship in other countries?

Is the possibility of the grass someday being greener on our own side enough to make us hold our collective breath until this whole thing blows over in a couple of years? So far, it appears we, as a nation, have chosen to remember another four-letter word: hope.

If you lost everything tomorrow... your job, your home, your livelihood... would you stick around and wait for things to get better, or would you move on in search of a new land of opportunity?

Crimewatchers.

2009-02-27T17:35:00.000-08:00

Here's a story. Let's see if you can relate.

At physical therapy today, I worked up a small, yet noticeable, sweat. Even though I'd taken time to generously apply the "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman" stuff before leaving the house, I wanted to be absolutely sure that I didn't need to be quarantined or anything.

I've been next to stinky people at gyms... I vowed never to be one of them. So, as casually and discreetly as possible, I wiped my cheek on my shoulder while trying to get a whiff of myself before anyone caught on to what I was doing. Smell test: Passed.

*whew, that was close.*

Then, confident that no one had witnessed this very personal moment, I continued my workout. Less than two minutes later, I absent-mindedly glanced around the room and noticed a small security camera high in the corner of the opposite end of the room. Then, panic.

*omg, is someone watching me? did they catch me sniffing myself? are they laughing uncontrollably in a back office somewhere, making up nicknames for me, like "Pittney Spears" or "Stinky McGee"... oh no, I'm THAT girl.

Ok, so maybe I didn't panic quite that much, but some of those things definitely crossed my mind. I'm sure it's happened to you too, right? You're at the grocery store, picking up a few things on your way home from work, when you realize you only have a few bucks with which to pay. But instead of walking all the way back to the cookie aisle, after sacrificing your dream of gleefully dunking an oreo (or five) into a glass of milk later on that evening, you plant the box on a shelf between some cans of tuna and a bottle of spicy mustard. Laziness? Maybe. Is that such a crime? Well then, lock me up!

What social no-no's are you guilty of committing, and how often do you actually get caught?

Overheards.

2009-02-26T00:20:00.000-08:00

Recently I've become obssessed with Overheards.

What are Overheards? They're little snippets of everyday conversation that you hear during your day, at everyday places like the bank, gas station, post office, public restroom, etc.

Some of them are amusing, but others may be downright disturbing, or, if you're lucky -- both!

While I love being on the receiving end of these gems, I can't help wonder if I've ever made someone's head turn with a little TMI.

What is the weirdest, funniest, or most embarrassing thing you've ever heard or said out loud in public?

Labelmakers.

2009-02-02T04:44:00.000-08:00

Life is full of suckers, slackers, hackers, heartbreakers, hipsters, ballers, beatnics, yuppies, liars, lovers, wanderers, wisecracks, caregivers, spinsters, meddlers, movers, shakers, sheep, Kool-aid mixers, and more.

I don't know that anyone enjoys being labeled, but you can't deny that it happens, and some even argue that every society needs labels in order to function. What if the term "rapist" didn't exist? Does a label perpetuate a crime, or vice verse?

How would you label yourself as you are right now?